» Elizabeth Bathory..”You just can’t get the Staff”
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Elizabeth Bathory..”You just can’t get the Staff”

Elizabeth Bathory..”You just can’t get the Staff”
Elizabeth Bathory 1560 -1614

Bad Boss

Upper Hungary  1610

Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed you are charged that on or around 1585 and this year you did commit the following crimes.

That you did lure adolescent peasant girls to be your servants with the promise of lucrative positions and then did treat them most shamefully.

That you did keep your servants so tightly chained at night their extremities spurted blood.

That you did strip your servants naked and force them to stand outside in the freezing cold until they died

That you did beat your servants so badly that the walls of your home were spattered with blood and that you once made so much noise while doing it that your neighbours were sorely inconvenienced

That you regularly burned your servants with heated irons, keys and coins which you would apply to the soles of their feet and to their nether parts.

That you would stab your servants with knives and needles and tear at their tender areas with your own teeth.

"Its bloody freezing out here but at least I'm not drinking my own piss" “It’s bloody freezing out here but at least I’m not drinking my own piss”

That you did strangle a servant to death with a silk scarf in “The Turkish Way”

That you made servants sit and bathe in stinging nettles causing grave discomfort.

That you did starve your servants and only allow them to drink their own urine.

That you stitched your servant’s lips together with twine.

That you cut from your servants their own flesh and forced them to eat it.

That you smeared a servant in honey and left her tied outside in summer to be attacked by ants, wasps and flies.

" This may sting a little" ” This may sting a little”

In addition to these charges, you are also said to have…..

Slept with two corpses beneath the floor of your bedroom, that for some reason you fed as if they were alive.

Prepared magical potions with which to poison your enemies.

Invited young female daughters of minor nobles to your castle to learn “Etiquette” and manners before torturing killing and burying them in unmarked graves.

Cast spells in order to create a magical cloud that would maliciously disgorge ninety cats.

Engaged in lewd acts with several men of the lower orders including the strongman Nadasdy known locally as “Ironhead.”

"Anyone for a kick about?" “Anyone for a kick about?”

The defence has painted a picture of a woman whose wealth and power has made her the target of jealousy and greed from noble men and her own family.

That her late husband the war hero Lord Ferenc Nadasdy – whom she married at 11 – had  a reputation for strength she worked hard to maintain after his death is not in doubt.

Who can forget how he would play football with the severed heads of his Turkish prisoners and then hilariously dance with their corpses – all good fun, but this is a more serious matter.

A total of at least 150 bodies have been removed from your property – I have heard reports that you have admitted to the death of 650 individuals although you have not confirmed that to this court.

" I think i got off lightly...Lucky Fiko" ” I think I got off lightly…Lucky Ficko”

Your favoured servants and accomplices have already felt the full weight of the law.  Dorota Semtesz, and Ilona Jo had their fingers ripped from their hands with red hot pokers before being burned at the stake.

The dwarf “Ficko” was shown leniency as it was clear she had been bullied and manipulated into her crimes…she was humanely beheaded before being burned at the stake.

Had you kept your excessive discipline confined to those of the lower orders your wealth and social position might have seen you relocated to a nunnery where you could have spent time in sincere repentance.

"Is it me or is this a bit excessive?" “Does this count as a Formal Warning?”

 

However, your treatment of those of noble birth has forced this court to make an example of you to show we take a dim view of mass murder – outside of warfare.

You are sentenced to be sealed brick by brick into a single room where you shall remain for the rest of your life without contact with fresh air, sunlight or the kindness of your fellow man.

I would like to remind this court that embellishing this tale to include accusations of blood bathing, blood drinking and searching for eternal youth in order to create some kind of gothic legend is strictly forbidden.

"Countess Dracula"...What a load of bollocks. “Countess Dracula”…What a load of bollocks.

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